Jealous...

"If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you..."
Jealousy for a poem... Am I inflicted? Yes. I would call it longing; dreaming to be as good as that poet or singer or actor or dancer. Jealousy is a harsh word, but it sounds about right. Maybe envy, at the very least.
"If you can wait and not be tired by waiting..."
"If" by Rudyard Kipling. This was one of the very first poems I came across in our poetry notebook. Immediately after reading it, I folded down the corner of the page and read it again. I like poems that make sense, or that i can make sense of. The metaphors have to be simple enough or I will think too hard and dislike the poem. "If" is straightforward and easy to follow, but it still made me think.
"Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies..."
I felt it was speaking to me. How I can be the bigger person. How I can balance the good and bad in life and make them both to benefit. Things we have deal with from high school on. That's how I want my poetry to be. Words people can relate to, take strength from. I am jealous of how Mr. Kipling was able to express his thoughts so clearly. That is the biggest struggle for me and it is frustrating to see it come naturally to others when I work so hard at it.
"If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
...you'll be a Man my son!"

Once Upon a Complaint

I'm tired of being tired and still having to do everything expected.
I'm tired of people who say one thing and do something else.
I'm tired of high school drama.
I'm tired of finding out that it wasn't real.
I'm tired of my own expectations.
I'm tired of life having to be in constant action.
I'm tired of feeling like people don't want me around them.
I'm tired of feeling like I have to prove myself to everyone.
I'm tired of this skewed world.
I'm tired of not having enough time.
I'm tired of feeling inadequate, insecure, used, misunderstood, ignored.
I'm tired of over thinking.
I'm tired of decisions and my inability to make them.
I'm tired of the lack of independence.
I'm tired of trying to piece my heart back together.
I'm tired of failing to make sense of things.
I'm tired of not knowing how to help myself or how to let others help.
I'm tired of being stuck in one place.

I'm tired of clouding my head with negativity.

Love

What is love? We all think we know what it is and when we feel it, but do we really? I don't know. Love is a very powerful emotion, something that no person can understand fully. Yet, we understand it well enough. So here is my understanding of what love is to me:

Love is missing him so much you think your heart might break. Love is sobbing in your brother's arms realizing your family really does love you more than your friends do. Love is seeing someone go through something hard and wanting to do it for them. Love is fighting and then loving each other more when it's over. Love is sometimes talking but mostly listening. Love is falling, not knowing for sure if someone is going to catch you. Love is interrupting just to tell someone you love them. Love is being a support when everyone else has let her down. Love is doing something for someone when they don't need it. Love is going to support him at his basketball even though they've lost the last three games. Love is walking out the door and then running back in for your kiss and hug. Love is losing yourself a little bit because you're only thinking of him. Love is when he lets you take out your bad day on him and doesn't love you less. Love is trusting so much that you're willing to give your heart even though it's been broken too many times. Love is growing old together.

Why do we all try so hard to define love? It is so complicated yet so simple. It is the biggest and smallest acts. Love is best felt. Then we express it in three simple yet important words--I love you. And that's all we really have to say.

Blossoming Potential

Taken away from everyone like you
And gently placed alone.
It is dark and hard to breathe.
You must push above to the surface,
But stay firm and rooted.
It is light and clear,
Yet not everything makes sense still.
Others lovingly take care of you.
Still, much of your growth depends on you.
You have to try every day.
You have to grow every day,
Reaching for the light, pushing higher.
Sometimes receiving help from others.
Careful not to compare yourself,
For you are loved for unique qualities.
The wind blows you every direction,
It affects you more as you grow closer to the light.
But, you are rooted firmly.
The rain beats down upon you,
Some take important things away from you,
Others try to cut you down,
Or destroy your roots.
You may be damaged and hurt,
But you must still try to stand strong.
Just remember to reach for your potential,
Then keep growing!

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk alone. I walk alone. It is the darkest day I've ever seen. My clothes and hair are dripping wet in the somber rain. I left my jacket back three miles with my broken heart. While I shiver, I see the goals I never went for. The weaknesses I never overcame. In the middle of the street lays a piano that has never been mastered. A wet paper is crumpled in the gutter--a song never sung by my voice. Dance shoes never worn are in the trash. The chances I never took are fluttering around my head. I walk alone. It's dark and dull and silent. Cluttered. Blurry. No color, no life. I never wanted to end up here. Maybe if I keep walking, maybe it'll disappear. Then there are people, but it's like they don't see me. I'm invisible. I walk alone. I see all the people who I didn't give a chance. I see all those I didn't give my time to. I see those i didn't love as I should have. A paper filled with important words never spoken, flies away in the wind. I see the reflection of what could've been in a muddy puddle. A dark window reflects the dreams I never pursued. Still, I walk alone. I see a flower and it seems to be the only beautiful thing left. But it is drooping, drowned from the downpour. Most of me wants to drop onto the soggy mud and curl up. But, maybe if I keep walking? Or maybe I will be forever walking through my regrets.

Thinking About You

I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about you like bare feet think about the warm sand on the beach. Like sand thinks about the foamy waves. I'm thinking about you like rainbows think about colors. Like thunderstorms think about rain. Like the 4th of July thinks about fireworks. I'm thinking about you like monsters think about closets and the underside of a bed. Like children think about monsters. Like teenagers think about sleep. I'm thinking about you like February thinks of spring. Like spring thinks of new beginnings. Like hearts think about love. Like people think about the future. I'm thinking about you like songs think of lyrics. Like sweet lovers think of the first time they met. Like you think about me. I'm thinking about you like the sun thinks of meeting the horizon of another day. Like mountains think of meeting the horizon of a sunset. Like lovers think of walking hand and hand in the dying light. I'm thinking of you like that song I can't get out of my head. Like a regret thinks of only if. Like a song thinks about being sung. I'm thinking about you like I think about the rest of my life. Like every other girl thinks about being your wife. Like I think about being your wife. I'm thinking about you like the night sky thinks about stars. Like I think about the stars in both of our eyes as we gaze at the stars. I'm thinking about you like I can't stop thinking. Like you are the only thing worth thinking about all the time. I'm thinking of you. <3

Direct Orders

You are under direct orders to rock the heck out!!! Rock out like you've been sick your entire life and you have miraculously healed. Rock out like it's 2:14 and it's the last day of school. Rock out like it's your last day of high school. Rock out like you are graduating and you thought it would never happen. Rock out like it is 2012, the world is ending, and this is the last chance you have to rock out. Rock out like you never have to do homework again. Rock out like you just did something you didn't imagine you could do. Rock out like everyone is proud of you. Rock out like you have a chance to relax and breathe from the craziness of life. Rock out like it's the weekend and you don't have to babysit your siblings. Rock out like it's been the longest day and it is time for bed. Rock out like you thought you forgot something but you actually remembered it. Rock out like you will always remember the greatest memories. Rock out like time is up but you had enough. Rock out like you have been flirting with him since elementary school, and he finally asked you out. Rock out like she said yes. Rock out like your parents just gave you permission to be out all night. Rock out like you had the chance to easily see every single person you missed right now. Rock out like you finished a project early, like you finished a project barely in time. Rock out like it's all you have left. Rock out like no one is watching, like everyone is watching. Rock out like you just got a hug from your favorite person. Rock out like you are in love. Rock out like you met David Archuleta and he wants to be your friend. Rock out like you have cancer and they just discovered the cure. Rock out like you have accomplished your goals. Rock out like it's the happiest moment of your life. Rock out like you just finished the hardest thing you thought you would ever do. Rock out like you've discovered a new passion. Rock out like you're happy with yourself. Rock out like you're genuinely happy for a friend. Rock out because you can.