Jealous...

"If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you..."
Jealousy for a poem... Am I inflicted? Yes. I would call it longing; dreaming to be as good as that poet or singer or actor or dancer. Jealousy is a harsh word, but it sounds about right. Maybe envy, at the very least.
"If you can wait and not be tired by waiting..."
"If" by Rudyard Kipling. This was one of the very first poems I came across in our poetry notebook. Immediately after reading it, I folded down the corner of the page and read it again. I like poems that make sense, or that i can make sense of. The metaphors have to be simple enough or I will think too hard and dislike the poem. "If" is straightforward and easy to follow, but it still made me think.
"Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies..."
I felt it was speaking to me. How I can be the bigger person. How I can balance the good and bad in life and make them both to benefit. Things we have deal with from high school on. That's how I want my poetry to be. Words people can relate to, take strength from. I am jealous of how Mr. Kipling was able to express his thoughts so clearly. That is the biggest struggle for me and it is frustrating to see it come naturally to others when I work so hard at it.
"If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
...you'll be a Man my son!"

Once Upon a Complaint

I'm tired of being tired and still having to do everything expected.
I'm tired of people who say one thing and do something else.
I'm tired of high school drama.
I'm tired of finding out that it wasn't real.
I'm tired of my own expectations.
I'm tired of life having to be in constant action.
I'm tired of feeling like people don't want me around them.
I'm tired of feeling like I have to prove myself to everyone.
I'm tired of this skewed world.
I'm tired of not having enough time.
I'm tired of feeling inadequate, insecure, used, misunderstood, ignored.
I'm tired of over thinking.
I'm tired of decisions and my inability to make them.
I'm tired of the lack of independence.
I'm tired of trying to piece my heart back together.
I'm tired of failing to make sense of things.
I'm tired of not knowing how to help myself or how to let others help.
I'm tired of being stuck in one place.

I'm tired of clouding my head with negativity.

Love

What is love? We all think we know what it is and when we feel it, but do we really? I don't know. Love is a very powerful emotion, something that no person can understand fully. Yet, we understand it well enough. So here is my understanding of what love is to me:

Love is missing him so much you think your heart might break. Love is sobbing in your brother's arms realizing your family really does love you more than your friends do. Love is seeing someone go through something hard and wanting to do it for them. Love is fighting and then loving each other more when it's over. Love is sometimes talking but mostly listening. Love is falling, not knowing for sure if someone is going to catch you. Love is interrupting just to tell someone you love them. Love is being a support when everyone else has let her down. Love is doing something for someone when they don't need it. Love is going to support him at his basketball even though they've lost the last three games. Love is walking out the door and then running back in for your kiss and hug. Love is losing yourself a little bit because you're only thinking of him. Love is when he lets you take out your bad day on him and doesn't love you less. Love is trusting so much that you're willing to give your heart even though it's been broken too many times. Love is growing old together.

Why do we all try so hard to define love? It is so complicated yet so simple. It is the biggest and smallest acts. Love is best felt. Then we express it in three simple yet important words--I love you. And that's all we really have to say.

Blossoming Potential

Taken away from everyone like you
And gently placed alone.
It is dark and hard to breathe.
You must push above to the surface,
But stay firm and rooted.
It is light and clear,
Yet not everything makes sense still.
Others lovingly take care of you.
Still, much of your growth depends on you.
You have to try every day.
You have to grow every day,
Reaching for the light, pushing higher.
Sometimes receiving help from others.
Careful not to compare yourself,
For you are loved for unique qualities.
The wind blows you every direction,
It affects you more as you grow closer to the light.
But, you are rooted firmly.
The rain beats down upon you,
Some take important things away from you,
Others try to cut you down,
Or destroy your roots.
You may be damaged and hurt,
But you must still try to stand strong.
Just remember to reach for your potential,
Then keep growing!